Did you love the way I kissed your name
Is that why my silence is driving you insane?
I’ve tied my lips shut with wire as a protest against control
The gavels been dropped into a sea full of hands that are each screaming a verdict
I don’t need a verdict, I need a way to erase your fingerprints off my wrists
To drag your words out from my garage so I can watch them burn into ash
At night I still hear them screaming at me
I refuse to bless you with my fingertips any longer, I won’t lift a finger
You won’t hear a whisper escape across my blue lips in this reality
I’ll keep walking towards tomorrow because there is always tomorrow
My black slip is loose on my shoulder, and if you take a peak I’ll turn you to stone
You taught me how to make stone
How to turn a home into a nightmare
Hell, you made it look good
The greatest actor to ever live, you can’t even remember who you were
I rubbed my wrists raw until the blood slipped me out of my chains I used the tweezers to pry your nails from my skin
I washed my hands in the sink and I locked the door on the way out
The tone of your footsteps still follow me, but I will not look at you any longer
For you shrink with no one to reassure you of your existence
I won’t stop you from playing
But I have put away the cards, picked up my dice, and thrown away the scorecard
I’m familiar with the essence of loneliness. I’ve opened my veins far too many times, making room for your toxic fumes. A cowboy on his black steed, you’re riding away again. I’m tired of waving my arms at you. Do you even remember who I was before I let you eat my soul? I was lilacs and bluebirds. I smelled of vanilla and fire. I looked like disaster walking. Darkness was my friend and I greeted her with kindness. That’s how I met you. Out from the smoke you threw darts dipped with sugar that traveled straight through my heart. I’ve always loved anything sweet. I’m lacking in emotion these days. I’ll walk like disaster once more. Without you. I’ve made friends with my voices of smoke. I’ve seen versions of myself more ravenous than a simple mind could imagine. I’ve even sliced the throats that belong to versions of myself. I’m letting everyone go. Including you. In the morning I’ll climb upon the backs of griffins and meet my maker.
I’m going to be the one who runs away, you know? I’m destined for peaks covered in sprinkled dreams. My skins covered in thorns. I’m known as the Rose Witch. Rum drips from my lips when I call out to the world so I stay silent. Silence is a blessing, you know? When I’m gone you’ll feel a softness in the air. Almost as if all my sharp edges have made their last caress against your skin. I’ll never see you again. Lost inside this kaleidoscope world you forgot who you were. I’m sorry, but I have not forgotten who I was. My next destination is into the shadow, riding in my cherry lipstick mustang. Off to the liquor store again. It’s hard finding sanctuary, you know? It’s hard finding yourself after the storm.
I was born in August
All that means is that I have a burning fire inside my core
Along with my otherwise dismal personality
I was touched by an angel only once
The only problem was that I don’t always see things as they are
I’m trapped in a world of perception
I don’t know the language here
I wasn’t given the handbook on self-preservation
I opened up my fire to the unknown even with hesitation
You could say I was misguided, maybe even brave, but to put it simply
I wanted to believe in love
If I could describe myself in a word it would be foolish
I put all my cards out on the table in plain site
Each one placed face up with a piece of my soul
Plump for the taking
If Medusa placed her gaze upon me now she would be disappointed
You helped fill my heart with concrete and submission
I’m trying to build a structure strong enough to stop the crumbling
You touched me like a blade
Slowly scraping away my sanity, my sense of self, my identity
And I can’t blame you for any of it
I handed you the weapons, the maps, and I gave you your ammunition
I put an X on all my targets, and your aim was true
I’ve been pulling out shards of you ever since
You’re the ghost in my attic that keeps turning off the lights
Pouring gasoline in every floorboard crevice
Because if you burn, I burn with you
Except I don’t need gasoline
I’m a walking inferno, and you’re a broken dam
And you just keep putting me out.
I wish I was drunk on something other than burned out thoughts
Higher than the stars that swear that I’m worth it
To be held by arms that I can push away like my fathers concern
To be anything at all
I don’t remember what it’s like to not be afraid of waking up
I need 15 extra minutes in the morning to steady my glass heart
Then I’ll pour drops of liquor in my coffee while I whisper that I am enough
The thought never sticks
I was never touched by the light of the gods
Knowledge was not placed upon me to show me the secrets of how to live
I feel the most alive when I am dying, and I do not know who to blame for that
Sometimes if I look at the sun it makes me cry
It breaks my heart to be wishing for goodbyes
But if I say one more hello I’m going to explode from the pressure
All these emotions latch onto me and I cannot identify them
So they become snakes who find a home constricting around my heart
Let me tell you what it feels like to be everything, and nothing
It’s looking at your mother only to see that she’s never looking back
It’s watching your sister grow up while you hope that she never grows up to be you
It’s knowing that everyone you know will die, and you will have never said enough.
I remember I fell with my feet first
Smashing onto the concrete floor of this room
Filled with these sharp objects that glisten with pride
Each cut showing me a memory that I can’t let go of.
Inside every shadow
Holds a ghost of a voice that I have heard too many times
If I squeeze my ears any harder to shut this place out
I’m bound to shatter into dust.
I’ve been ready to shatter since I reached the age of 10
When I realized I was nothing but a broken record
I’m bitter, and I am bruised
I’m a book left unfinished, and I am ready to find my ending.
I think more than I should, and it has made me unhinged
I have no doors here, but things still come and go
Except for me
I am the place for the party, and nothing more.
Inside my mind is a horde of leeches
Sucking away anything bright
I don’t remember when they made a home of me
I’m just happy that something does.
It’s no ones fault that I’m vacant
I haven’t had visitors in years
I put up the Halloween decorations and I never took them down
I’ve been told I am unapproachable.
I experiment with a selection of things
To help me forget who I am, or what reality I’m in
Now smoke follows me like an obedient dog
While liquor holds my hair and whispers how much he loves our time together.
Call me cliché, but I’m only a shell
I’m convinced the girl who lived here didn’t like that I scream in the morning
Perhaps she doesn’t do well with blood
This house is not suitable for living.
I fill myself up with records, smoke, and words
If you hold me long enough you might hear the tune of a twisted being
The story of a girl who trapped herself away
Spending her days forgetting who she is.
And I tried to grab you
When you jumped
Straight into the icy abyss
But you scratched
And you clawed
I don’t know how to save someone
Who isn’t sure they want to be saved.
You know how it goes, right?
You push, I pull
You pull, I push
Two control freaks in a situation
That has lost control.
Who comes out high on their horse
While the other slits their own neck.